Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Storing up for winter

Eli’s health took a little nose dive this morning. Nobody’s exactly sure why that happened, but as I write this, he’s back to normal. For some reason, he had a short stint of poor oxygenation. As we visit with him this afternoon, he smiles at us, and is as active as ever.

We had a bit of a tough conversation with Eli’s cardiologist this afternoon. It’s sort of hard to explain without going into extreme details, but I’ll do the best I can. Eli’s next cardiac surgery is supposed to be the Glenn, in which they route his upper body return blood flow directly into his lungs instead of his heart. There are beginning to be slight concerns that this won’t be possible, due to the development of his lungs. The veins in the lungs have to be extremely free and non-scarred or calloused for the Glenn to be an option. Given the fights he’s had in his short life, both Eli’s cardiologist and cardiac surgeon are concerned this might not be the case with Eli. They will be testing for this before his surgery to verify.

Should his lungs show significant damage or incapability, the door to the Glenn becomes closed, and we would be forced into looking at other options. We aren’t heading down that path yet, so we don’t know what all those options are, but we do know that it will make our struggles to date seem rather trivial.

Please understand clearly: This isn’t the case. It’s a possibility. We were just made aware of the possibility that this could get ugly.

In addition, I’ve recently been hit with several stories of complete failure before growth. From completely different areas of my life have come stories of lives shattered and people giving up before greener and greater pastures. I have a lot of fear for the implications of these stories.

Please pray that Eli’s lungs are sufficient.
Please pray for an outpouring of miracle healing like we’ve never before seen.
Please pray for Tanya and I to be more disciplined in prayer.

I feel the need to remind myself what was written in November, 3 months before Eli was even born:

There are many things that create a foundation. One of the foundational pieces of our life is our understanding of how God works. God is in control of all. Everything that happens, therefore, is orchestrated by God. God does things for his own glory. Therefore, anything that happens, anything that is, was intended to bring glory to God. Regardless of how terrible, unfair or just plain pointless something may look as you're facing it, its grand scheme value is in the glorification of God.

This is why we continue to live.


Amy said...

My heart aches for you and as I write with tears in my eyes, I know full well the sorrow of hitting rock bottom, but also the amazing faithfulness of God's comfort. I know that you are being perfectly held in the Lord's hands, as difficult as that may be to except, I find it comforting that he has a plan, a reason. We will continue to pray. Simon Peter answered him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God."

Bonnie said...

I appreciate your honesty about your struggle as you hear stories of brokenness. I wish there was an easy response that would relieve your fears. I think of congregations across America singing worship on a Sunday morning:

Brokenness, brokenness is what I long for
Brokenness is what I need
Brokenness, brokenness is what
You want from me

Do they really know what the words mean? Do they really LONG for that kind of suffering?

I have laid in shattered pieces on the Potter's floor, wondering if I could ever be a usable vessel. Would I LONG for that again?

Then I reflect on Psalm 51:16-17 - "You would not be pleased with sacrifices, or I would bring them. If I brought you a burnt offering, you would not accept it. The sacrifice you want is a broken spirit. A broken and repentant heart, O God, you will not despise."

I am reminded that He simply wants me to climb up on the wheel, and trust Him, submit to the pressure of His hands as He forms me into a vessel pleasing to Him.

I grieve with you at the possibilities that may come in little Eli's life; the potential of broken hearts and shattered dreams.

I daily ask God to heal Eli's little body; to strength your hearts; to grant us a miracle.

May you find courage in your brokenness, Jason and Tanya, as you realize this: the Potter values every shard of our broken lives and PROMISES to use us to glorify Him and draw others into His kingdom.

Anonymous said...

"The LORD is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and he knoweth them that trust in him" Nahum 1:7.

Rebecca Parker said...

Please make little Eli's lungs strong, and walk with Jason and Tanya during this time of waiting. Give them constant reminders of Your presence and draw them near to You.
In Jesus name,

I pray for you every day.

Dunn Familly said...

We think of you everyday. I wish we could be there to walk with you through this. My heart aches for you... but I lift you guys up to our amazing Lord. Thank you for sharing in this blog.
"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
Psalm 34:18
May He give Eli & your family rest, strength & peace.